The non-negotiables
Monday, November 23, 2009 at 6:39AM | 4 Comments 
"I have a daughter."
That was how he explained to me his reasoning for needing a certain job making a certain income. It was clear he wouldn't budge on the issue. It was his non-negotiable.
In business and in life, we operate by a set of non-negotiables. We will do well to know what our non-negotiables are. It will help us make the right decisions for our career, as well as remind us what's important when it comes to other choices.
I have a friend getting a Ph.D. His advisor was asking him about his career moves and goals, and he shared them. She thought he was aiming too low and suggested other options. He took them in and replied, "Those sound like great possibilities. Let me share them with my wife and see how that shapes our plans."
The advisor immediately asked, "What would you decide if you weren't married?"
Wisely, my friend answered, "I am married."
She pushed him. "But what if you weren't?"
"But I am. And that shapes how I make decisions."
For my friend, his relationship with his wife is a non-negotiable. There is no wistful pondering about single life. His advisor might as well have asked, "What if you were a woman?" or "What if you were Asian?"
It will be easier to decide where to live and what jobs to apply for if we are in touch with ourselves and know what our non-negotiables are. For some, it may be a flexible schedule. For others, they need the stability of a salary and benefits. Some may need homes and jobs that allow pets; other want the chance to innovate or the opportunity to leave work to watch a recital.
Once you find your set of non-negotiables, be rigid in their implementation. That's why their not up for negotiation. Then, you can be flexible in everything else. This will also establish your sense of values, which is also known as "knowing what matters."
So then - what are your non-negotiables?
Photo by: Kjunstorm
Reader Comments (4)
Hi Sam,
This post really speaks to me. My non-negotiables are are my sense of integrity and my children
Its easy to overlook what's really important to your heart, in the rush of life and building a career.
I really like the direct, no-nonsense style of your blog; no sugary sweet-nothings, but a warm focus on what really matters!
Hope to be here more often!
Cheers
Anita Lobo
The weird thing for me as I read this post was the fact that I'd settled on non-negotiables five years ago - and that landed me in Birmingham, AL. It's been harder to get myself to realize that I should look at which ones I should be using now.
I think as much as I want to stay in Birmingham, I'm willing to consider looking elsewhere, though I still want to try to find a way to keep the flame lit in terms of being out on my own as a freelancer. My girlfriend's also much more comfortable here and doesn't necessarily want to move right now. I also want somewhere that I can actually take advantage of living actively and not necessarily hiding out at home anymore.
We'll see what happens...
Thanks, Anita and Andre, for sharing.
Andre: I agree that it's tough to realize if/when your non-negotiables change. But it's key to realize that they can. Or should. Either way, it's part of self-realization.
And, I agree - there are other (better?) places to live an active lifestyle than Birmingham.
does your friend have a brother?