A highlighted bible
Monday, November 9, 2009 at 7:00AM | 7 Comments I was going through a heap of books when I found it. It was shelved next to the other Bibles. Most American homes have more TVs than people, and I think American Christian homes have more Bibles than nearly anything else. Why someone needs 14 Bibles is beyond me. Then again, I've been there.
This Bible was the Bible I used for over three years in college. It's pocket-sized, meaning I could stash it in my back pocket and look holy when walking to class or ordering a smoothie. It handily fit in a backpack or a glove box in case someone on the quad or the highway was curious about what the second chapter of Job said.
I took it to retreats and Bible studies, accountability group meetings and dates (fact). It's always interesting to find relics of the past, but spiritual artifacts are a bit different. You expect to outgrow your baby shoes. You never thought you'd come to a place where you no longer wanted a tattered Bible with highlights, underlines, and dog-eared pages.
This was the Bible I read every night for almost four years straight. Before turning in - no matter where I was or how tired I was - I read a chapter each from the Old Testament, the New Testament, and Psalms. If I found something uplifting or noteworthy, I underlined it with whatever color was closest at hand. Thumbing through this version is like opening a pack of Skittles - bright colors jump out at you, calling your attention to clever passages in Ephesians, Malachi, or yes, even Revelation.
This Bible was the precise reason I was able to read the entire thing more than seven times while in college. It is why I still know passages of scripture from memory. And as much as it was a part of my past, I know it's not a part of my future.
I showed it to my wife last night and asked her to name a book of the Bible and I would read her whatever I had underlined, certain I'd marked at least one verse in each book. She picked Philemon, the shortest book in the Bible. Turns out I'd found two nuggets of wisdom there. She then asked about Leviticus, the boring legal book from the Old Testament. Turns out I found two pearls there, too. After reading them, I laughed and wondered why I ever found those verses worth underlining.
"I'm sure they meant something important to you at the time," she replied.
And there it was - confirmation that my spirituality had grown and moved on.
We expect lots of things in life to change. We change jobs, find new friends, develop new interests, and move into different houses. But, there's always something sacred about the faith of our childhood, our teenage years, and our college days that we never think will change. In fact, for many people it doesn't. They continue to journey not just down a similar path for their entire lives, but around the same track, covering the same ground they've always covered, never venturing off course. And for them, it works. I respect their ability to remain tethered to that which is familiar.
Staying on a certain path wasn't the path for me. I began to question long-held theological assumptions my senior year of college. That's when I put this Bible down and began to explore where God was leading me. That's when I began to ask questions and found that the faith and the pocket-sized Bible that represented it no longer fit well. I realized I was on a path that was intellectually dishonest and personally harmful.
I thumb through these thin pages with a bit of nostalgia and lots of comfort. I no longer need this Bible and I'll be taking it to the used book store later this week. Things change, even our faith.
And that's okay.
We need to let people know that clinging to something that no longer works or no longer seems useful can be harmful. Embracing who you're becoming and finding a space for who you've always been is possible. Above all, we must celebrate change and transformation into something new and better. This, after all, is the central message of the Gospels and worth highlighting again and again.
Reader Comments (7)
Sam-
Ahhhh I remember that Bible.....As I was reading the post I can even picture it in your back pocket on nights you preached from it as the Camp Pastor for an entire Summer at Crosspoint. I even recall how moved you were by the writings of Jonathon Edwards and inspired by Edwards' passion for God's Word and living it out in his life back in the days of The Great Awakening. Frankly, I'm amazed these many years later that the very Bible you used to inspire and motivate many to pursue God wholehearedly (including me) has been relegated to a few chuckles (in amazement that you once thought so narrow-mindedly) and a quick trip to the bookstore resulting in ,maybe, .50 cents for a cold Coke to provide a little mid-day refreshment. To turn away (or leave behind childish things) from the one (Jesus) who has died for the sins of humanity to provide hope for mankind is ,frankly, a remarkable change that I am surprised you would chalk up to a maturing process or progression in intellectual thought.
As for me, I can't so quickly turn away from the words that have revived a soul that was once empty "I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." Gal 6:14
I wish you well on your journey and hope that one day, that old rugged cross would penetrate your heart and mind-- such that his Spirit may reveal to you the beauty of Christ once again.
Eddie
Jesus
Sam,
Yeah, I'm not sure where you're going with this as you're talking about leaving something behind and changing into something new, but you're not describing the new...
And it's a bit shocking that you are leaving behind the most vibrant source of ancient and modern wisdom in leading a wise and dynamic life as a relic of the past...
You want to change the world and help people care about the world & catalyze people to do something right? Yet the greatest change agents the world has ever seen (for the good at least), Gandhi, Jesus, Paul, MLK Jr, Mother Teresa, & more and most any of the world's best relief organizations and non-profits from organizations like World Vision and thousands and thousands more, were inspired (or helped write) by the ancient text that you're proposing doesn't fit your life and direction?
Where else can you be inspired to live with such extraordinary compassion, love and self-sacrifice than the scriptures? Where else do you find a challenge so noble as to die to yourself so that others might live? Where else do you find that 2000 years ago we were ALL challenged to see all humanity as being equal and worthy of respect with Paul's words, "There is neither Greek nor Jew, male nor female, master nor slave, for all are one in Christ Jesus," Gal 3:28.
You know this stuff and it seems to have formed the very foundation for your platform for your life's mission as the values of the Gospels have been formed in you at least from what little I know. And you can be fully intellectual and embrace the faith of the scriptures.
So, I'm curious what you mean by this blog.
Eddie - I'm afraid you jumped to some conclusions, dear friend, and I feel compelled to point them out for the sake of having a better discussion. Getting rid of an old Bible that I no longer have room for (yes, I recognize the irony in not having "room" for a pocket-sized Bible) does not mean I've tossed my faith aside. I still have many Bibles in my house, all of which offer a better translation (my opinion) than the pocket-sized one. The few chuckles were not ones of contempt or even pride, but amusement at how I've changed, recognizing that a verse that caused me to grab a highlighter eight years ago now doesn't carry the same weight. Christ is still beautiful to me, Eddie.
Mike - Thanks for stopping by. I am by no means getting rid of every Bible or even the Bible; I'm getting rid of this Bible. So, your comment seems to have jumped the gun. Perhaps I wasn't too clear in my post from the start. So, to reiterate,all I'm doing is taking a worn down Bible that I haven't cracked open in a few years to a used book store.
"I realized I was on a path that was intellectually dishonest and personally harmful."
Sam- I keep reading the quote above and can't figure out what it is you are referring to. How can seeking a God-centered life fixated on glorifying Christ and growing in knowledge of His Word possibly be personally harmful? What part of God's Word convinced you that by continuing to make it the framework with which you use to drive your worldview is intellectually dishonest?
Getting a little more understanding on your remarkable conclusions in this area will help me get a better picture of your transformation away from the Sam of old..........
Eddie:
By learning as much as possible about the scriptures - how and why and when they were put together - I came to the conclusion that they cannot possibly hold all of our knowledge of God. Thus, to solely rely on them to teach us about God is limiting our very understanding of that God.
In order to believe in a big and powerful God, I had to cede that God could act in ways other than we find in (our understanding of) the Bible.
To be clear - I find no fault or call no one into question who disagrees with my above statement. It is simply the path that I traveled in order to believe in a God who is consistent with the scriptures that you and I both enjoy.
Hey Sam, interesting article. I could spend a long time writing a response on this, but I'll rather write something that isn't incontraversial at all.
"She picked Philemon, the shortest book in the Bible" 3 John is the shortest book of the Bible. I'll see you when I get home
-Joey
Joey:
You got me. Nicely done.