Sam Davidson's Blog

A Modern Day Parable

2010-03-11T22:34:18Z

There once was a man who, while on vacation, went for a walk on the beach. On this particular walk, as the sun sank low over the water, he happened to take his eyes off of the sunset for a moment and looked down as he tiptoed around sharp broken shells and washed up seaweed.

Something sparkled in the evening light, and he bent over to discover he'd stumbled upon a very valuable coin. It was very rare, the likes of which the world had not seen to that point.

As such, word quickly spread of his finding and he was interviewed by the local newspaper and TV stations, with a few national publications recounting his tale of good fortune. While not quite a celebrity, he became a bit more well known to strangers and his social circle increased.

Also, as a result of his discovery, more people began to wander that same beach, hoping they'd unearth an equally valuable and rare coin, something that would make them wealthy and well-known. While a few got lucky, many more grew frustrated and asked the man to tell them his secrets of how he found the coin and what practices they might employ to emulate his achievement.

These requests gave the man a new idea and since demand was so high, he began to offer workshops and educational meetings where he explained how to find valuable coins and what the top coin-finding experts were saying from around the world. He began to be well-known for his speaking skills and his interactive teachings that people who had never wandered the beach in search of coins to begin with started to attend his workshops. He soon wrote a book, which even more people read, most of whom wanted coins but hadn't started looking yet.

And so it continued that the more the man wrote and spoke, the more people listened, wanting to know how to quickly and easily find their own fortune. Suddenly, thousands and then millions of people became experts in learning how to find coins.

The beach is now as deserted as it was when the man first found his coin that evening. Instead, people are in seminars and at conferences learning how to find coins, and very few are really looking for themselves.

---

The meaning of the parable:

Substitute "social media" for the coin. Or "God." Or "love." There are lots of things we want, and we often spend time learning how to search, and very little time actually searching. Maybe it's time we change that.

Book Week 2010: Everday Absurdities by Tyler Stanton

2010-02-18T14:00:46Z

Everyday Absurdities: Insights from the World's Most Trivial Man is hardly a trivial book. The author, Tyler Stanton, let his readers pick the subtitle. Someone willing to take that kind of risks is worth checking out, especially if you're up for some light-hearted fun. After all, Tyler's the same guy who let his blog readers pick a front licence plate for his car.

I'm fairly new to Tyler's writing, but when I found his blog, it quickly became a must-read. His "Weekly Six" makes my final mid-morning of the work week very enjoyable, and it's where I find most of the You Tube videos I mark as favorites.

Speaking of You Tube, Tyler starred in a video that now has more than 3,600,000 million views. If it were a country, it would be a little bigger than Moldova. Here it is:

The book contains a lot of what Tyler has written on his blog through the years, but it's hard to take a blog to the park or on a plane, which is why you should get a hard copy. In the book you'll find some of his hilarious series and suggestions, like "Public Restrooms for Beginners," birthday customs that need to be eliminated, and the secret code you can dial at any Wal-Mart to get on the PA system. This book can literally provide you with hours of fun.

After reading through Everyday Absurdities and laughing a lot, I asked Tyler a few questions. And he answered them.

Me: I can't help but notice the well-placed numbers on page 4. Now that you're a full time actor, what body part would you sell to be on an episode of LOST?

The World's Most Trivial Man: It's really weird you asked that. I was just thinking about that the other night during the part where Sawyer was all torn up and crying. I couldn't do that. Don't tell anyone, but I'm not really a good actor. I can do the comedy thing OK, but the other stuff scares me. All that to say, did you see Mac from "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" show up on that episode? That's the kind of role I'd like. I'd sell my tonsils for that.

Me: You and I were in different fraternities in college. Does this review mean we can look past the social structures that were superficially created 10 years ago? And, how soon each semester did you use up your $100 food court credit on Chik-Fil-A?

The World's Most Trivial Man: Most definitely. But you should know, I no longer have any affiliation to my former fraternity...literally. My junior year I was "financially expelled" because I didn't want to pay dues anymore. They wouldn't let me go inactive, so I refused to pay, and they kicked me out. Like, national president kicked me out. So, when we lived next door to each other senior year, we actually could've been friends. And I never really considered that $100 actual money, so I was like the guy at the bar who buys a round for all his buddies. That hundred lasted a day-and-a-half, two days max.

Me: Towards the end of the book, you tell us not to be "that guy." Inevitably, unknowingly perhaps, we find ourselves as "that guy" at times. What steps does one take to repent of such behavior?

The World's Most Trivial Man: The most important thing is to admit, at least to yourself, that you are that guy. There's really nothing worse than when that guy doesn't know (or refuses to believe) he's that guy. Most of the things I make fun of in the book are things that I've done and, unfortunately, still do from time to time. I'm not proud of it, but there is a freeing feeling that comes with not taking yourself too seriously.

I think if you buy Tyler's book and read it, you'll laugh a lot, like I did. In fact, to prove it, I'm giving away a copy. Here's the deal:

Either in the comments below or on Twitter, tell me what infomercial product you've actually purchased. I'll pick one entry at random next week and you'll get a copy of Everday Absurdities. Enjoy.

Book Week 2010: Anything is Possible by Richard Dedor

2010-02-17T14:00:03Z

For the third installment of Book Week 2010, I'm turning over the reigns to author Richard Dedor. This post is part of the Blog Tour for Richard’s new book, Anything is Possible. Want to learn more about Richard? Visit his blog, Finding Focus and follow him on Twitter. Take it away, Richard!

In honor of Sam's book, New Day Revolution: How to Save the World in 24 Hours, I wanted to write about how to change your life in the same amount of time.

I could be all grand and tell you to quit your job right now and go after your dream cold-turkey. But Sam told you not to do that a few weeks ago and I agree with him. What I'm talking about are smaller and much simpler changes you can make to alter the course of your life.

One of the biggest things I've done is develop a system for managing and tracking my activities. I'm not micro-managing my life, but I'm making myself accountable for the goals I want to achieve.

What about you? I believe there are three simple things you can do to change the course of your life right now.

First you must set some goals. Real measurable goals. I'm not one to give you a cookie-cutter sheet for you to fill in and check off. I believe you just need to find something you want. If you want to be able to run longer, start running. Read running blogs. Join a running club. If you want to read more or go back to school or start your own business, you just have to write it down, create some time markers and get going.

Second you have to be willing to work. I hate to say it, but life is work. It takes hours upon hours to become good at something, let alone great. Sam has also written about how best to use your free time. Last year I lived by that philosophy and it about drove me crazy. This year I'm making a change to use my time more wisely and that's where my personal tracking comes into play.

Finally, you can't do this alone. You need a team of people who believe in you and another group of people who constantly push you. When you start to chase after dreams you will get tired. You will get discouraged. You will want to quit. But if you have this strong team behind you, they will lend their shoulders to help you achieve your dreams.

You can change your life and it can begin today.

Want to win a copy of Richard's book? Just leave a comment stating one thing you want to change, start, or do. I'll pick one random entry an announce the winner next week! Or, tweet your response to me at @SamDavidson.

Or, if you want to buy Richard's book, click on the image below.

Book Week 2010: Hear No Evil by Matthew Paul Turner

2010-02-16T17:00:29Z

Matthew Paul Turner has written a lot of books (17, according to his wife), but this is the first one of his I've read. And after finishing it, I really think I need to go and read some of the others.

Turner is a Christian author who writes Christian books, which means that if you're going to read one of his books, you're going into it with a load of expectations. If you're like me, you read far fewer Christian books than you used to, but not because of books like Turner's. His is not a lukewarm admonition to pray more or join a Bible study group. Thankfully, Hear No Evil is an honest portrayal of how music - all kinds - shaped his outlook on life and faith.

Journeying with Turner from a restrictive fundamentalist faith that comprised his childhood and teenage years to a Christianity that is bigger and deeper, the reader is taken on a voyage of songs and artists like George Michael, Sandi Patti, Amy Grant. Even the non-music enthusiast like me can follow along with the transformation that's taking place.

Turner talks about wanting to make it big as a Christian artist, moving to Nashville, and idolizing certain performers. He talks about it all in a way that anyone can relate to, and his one-liners made me laugh out loud. And, his account of an all-male accountability group is uncannily accurate.

The book isn't preachy, flashy, or hokey. It's honest. It's straight-forward. It's easy and fun to read. And whether you once wanted to meet Michael W. Smith or you simply are curious as to the events and circumstances that help our faith evolve, Hear No Evil should be a few hours well spent for you.

Want to win a copy? You can! Simply leave a comment below (or tweet it to me) about your favorite music star as a kid. I'll pick one random winner next week and send them a book!

Book Week 2010: Linchpin by Seth Godin

2010-02-15T14:10:38Z

Here it is, folks: Book Week 2010. Normally, I make my way through roughly a book a week and then review them here on my blog. And sometimes, the stars align and you get an entire week of book reviews and giveaways! Each day this week, I'll be posting about a new book and giving you a chance to win a copy of each one. Keep reading to see how you can win!

True confession: I'm a huge Seth Godin fan, but haven't bought his last few books. I only bought Linchpin because of the way he sold it. That's right: I forked over $30 and had no idea what I was buying. Now that I've read Linchpin, it was $30 well spent.

Seth sold this book to me by saying that he had a limited number of copies available for $30. By making a donation in that amount to The Acumen Fund, I'd get the book before it even went on sale. By doing that, Seth raised over $50,000 (lots of people gave over $30) and created some great buzz for the launch of his new book.

As I was reading the first 100 pages of this book, I hated it. It was uncharacteristically Seth, meaning it was less business- and marketing-heavy and instead talked more about life. And work. And lots of other things that weren't directly related to me creating a better customer experience or marketing campaign.

But I kept at it and the second half of the book was unforgettable. It is a book about life. And work. And how we need to find the thing(s) we love doing and become indispensable when we do them. Seth warns us against the lizard brain - the thing that always tells us to stop what we're doing because we're too scared. He also points out how we can all be artists, doing something we love because we love to do it while offering it to the world in the form of a gift. This book makes you rethink what you do for a living. And why you do it.

Of course, there are linchpins all around us, people who do what they do better than anyone else because they love doing it and make the world better because of it. In fact, you may already be a linchpin, or you may be surrounded by them. The trick is to recognize that. This book can help you.

And because Seth is a linchpin, he sent each person who bought the book early another copy to give away. So, here goes:

Who is a linchpin? Leave the name of someone (they don't have to be famous - nearly all linchpins aren't) in the comments below or tweet it to me. I'll pick one random entry next week and mail you a book. Good luck!

I Will Be Married to 5 Different Women in My Lifetime

2010-02-11T12:36:37Z

Once I realized I would be married to at least five different women in my lifetime, it was a lot easier to get married.

You may think my wife would cringe when reading this statement, but by my count, I've already been married to two different women since Lynnette and I tied the knot in 2004. And she's been married to a handful, too.

If you haven't figured it out by now, I'll always be married to Lynnette. But who Lynnette is will change - should change - over the course of our life together. This is why, when thinking hard about whether or not she was the one for me, I felt confident knowing she'd be someone who would grow and change as I grew and changed.

It was a smart professor/mentor who tipped me off to this notion. He told me, in his controversial style, that it would be best for me to be married to many different women. My conservative (at the time) self took offense at his suggestion until he broke it down for me. And it made sense. Certainly I was going to change throughout the rest of my life. Why wouldn't I want to be married to someone who did the same? In fact, to expect someone to stay the same would be ignorant at best and oppressive at worst.

I got married (relatively) young. I had just turned 23. My 29-year-old self looks at pictures of our wedding day and laughs in retrospect at the people dressed in black and white who said their original vows to one another while a barefoot guitarist strummed a song about stars. Our preacher handed us the rings to put on each other's fingers and we promised simple things to each other and pledged that we'd try our damnedest to make this thing last. The people in the picture, though, are not the same people married today.

A few years later we'd each have full time jobs we weren't crazy about. We became homeowners and pet owners. We traveled together to cities like Philadelphia and Chicago and went away for a week when our first few anniversaries hit. Then she went back to school to get a degree to pursue a job in a field she loved and came downstairs last April while I was eating a cupcake, a positive pregnancy test in one hand and a hopeful smirk to go with it.

And here we are - our eighth Valentine's Day together - as parents, trying to figure out together what makes a baby stop crying when she was so happy four minutes ago and what it will be like to drive to Mississippi with her on Memorial Day. We look at each other with a look that says, "I know who you are, even if you're different than the person I became infatuated with as we stayed up late to talk about God and life and dreams in St. Louis that summer it was so hot and there were lots of mosquitoes."

For some reason, people are led to believe that when they say "I do" they're making that declaration to a static human who will forever have the same values and assumption present on the wedding day. Nothing could be more dangerous. Perhaps more marriages wouldn't end so badly (or wouldn't begin in the first place) if we acknowledged the obvious: that our human brains and emotions are subject to an array of external forces beyond our control and to live a full life there will be times when convictions and behaviors and ideas will change. And if we promise to love a person and not a belief, another human being instead of that human's stance on an issue, then maybe we can make this work and be really happy together.

Realizing that you'll be married to more than one person may be the very thing that keeps you married to only one person.

Happy Valentine's Day, Lynnette.

65-Word Book Review: The Fidelity of Betrayal by Peter Rollins

2010-02-09T14:14:01Z

Coming February 15-19: It's Book Week at my blog. I read a lot of books and try to review one each week. During that week, I'll be featuring a new book each day with a giveaway! Interested in participating? Send me an email and see if you can be featured! Only one spot left!

Short version (65 words)

I've read Peter Rollins' How Not to Speak of God a few times, and that short discourse always leaves me wanting more. The Fidelity of Betrayal is that something more. Using popular Bible passages, the book examines the seemingly contradictory notion that perhaps the most religious thing we can do is to not be religious. This is Rollins at his best: academic, challenging, and unconventional.

Long version (296 words)

This is no Max Lucado book. While Rollins does use a central Biblical theme as a point of departure (Judas' "betrayal" of Jesus), he soon convinces the reader that Judas didn't betray Jesus as all, but rather was the most faithful of disciples.

I like Rollins, because one logical conclusion that can be made from his theology and ecclesiology is that Christians shouldn't go to church – at least not church as it's known today in the Western world. There are lots of reasons I like this conclusion, but here's the main one.

This book won't have you questioning God. Any book that does, in my opinion, only means your belief in God probably needed questioning to begin with, and it just happened to be in the right place at the right time. Rather, this book will question your notion of God, perhaps revealing that what you think of as God is not God at all. Rollins says we need religions that are irreligious. Therefore, we need a God who is godless.

The book is more than argumentative, academic tinkering. It's also applicable to our systems and structures today. Rollins challenges that most churches today require their members to act in the following order:

Believe
Behave
Belong

First, you must believe something about Jesus, then you must live a certain way, and then finally, you can be socially accepted into the group. Rollins takes umbrage with this line of thought, and instead the order should be reversed, much like a family accepts an infant into its care. The logical conclusion, then, is that our churches should be full of atheists.

That's a notion I like.

I'll be reading this again. When I do, I'll pick up an entirely new set of conclusions. Rollins is talented like that.

The Family We Have

2010-02-03T15:00:49Z

When I hold my daughter, I sometimes find myself quickly thinking about what she'll be like when she's 8. Or 25. Or 74. I don't want her to grow up overnight, but I'm a curious guy, easily wondering what kind of job she'll have, music she'll like, or idiosyncrasies she'll hate.

This the beauty of parenthood: you can look forward into oblivion, long past even your own lifetime on earth. The curse of childhood, even when you're old enough to have your own tangible dreams, is that you really can only look back at where you've been. Of course, it's always easier to plan someone else's future.

As I plan the rest of my daughter's life, I also think about the things beyond her control: her skin color, her gender, where she may live, and of course, who her parents are.

Try as hard as we might, none of us got to pick our parents. In the grand cosmic lottery, tickets were assigned and we were born. Some of us were big winners, and others of us were horrific losers. We can pick our friends, our co-workers, our spouses, and our neighbors, but no one auditioned to be our parent.

And this is the circumstance of family. Some of us don't get the family we want. Some of us don't get the family we deserve. But we all get the family we have. When we end up where we're going, we'll be able to speak of them using the phrase, "because of," "in spite of," "despite," or "against the best wishes and plans of." As our journeys unfold, the role of our families materializes - again - nearly beyond our control.

The role of parents, then, isn't so much to look ahead and draw a map for our children. Rather, it's to give them a compass. By allowing them to chart their own course and giving them the necessary travel tools and tips to get where they're headed, we'll get to play a part far deeper and more meaningful than the one random chance assigned us. Then they can one day talk about us with the phrase, "without whom none of this would be possible..." as they discuss where they've been.

68-Word Book Review: What the Dog Saw by Malcolm Gladwell

2010-02-02T14:00:40Z

Short version (68 words)

What the Dog Saw will make you smarter, if you're dumb enough to buy it. Malcolm Gladwell's essays are easily readable and he presents his conclusions in a very compelling way. But, they're all available on his Web site. For free. I'm smart enough to figure that out, but I still bought the book. And this paradox is just the kind of thing he'd write about. Go figure.

Long version (218 words)

Malcolm Gladwell tackles topics that we rarely think about, but that influence us all, nearly on a daily basis. The Tipping Point and Outliers are prime examples of his astute observational brilliance, and each essay in this volume – which ran at some point in The New Yorker – uncovers another topic that we weren't aware was all around us.

He talks about why criminal profilers are just like fortunetellers. He discusses what makes dog trainers so good. He details why genius seems to strike late in life for some. You'll learn why ketchup is not a diversified condiment. And you'll also see how we could end homelessness if we doled out aid unfairly.

Each essay is easily and quickly readable and deeply engaging, the kind of stuff you'll find yourself reading in the bathroom long after you're finished with your business there. You'll also want to sneak in as much of each chapter as you can during commercial breaks or while waiting in the doctor's office.

Ultimately, it's up to you if you want to save money by digging everything up online, or if you prefer to have them all bound in one volume. I chose the latter and then promptly passed it on to someone else who will no doubt be fascinated by Gladwell's look at the everyday.

This Year I Will Live Differently

2010-02-01T15:00:02Z

The current economic malaise has changed people. As a country, Americans are saving more and spending less. When they do spend money, they're seriously thinking about creating experiences or memories rather than buying more crap for a house that's probably too big. This blog post at Alice.com highlights that.

Motivated by the movie Up in the Air, frequent traveler Peter Shankman decided to simplify his life. He wants less clutter.

I don't know how your new year's resolutions have been going (or went), but I get the sneaking suspicion that 2010 may very well be the year that all of us kicked the sh*t out of our lives. This could be the year we realize what's truly important and get rid of what we don't need.

Whether it was a layoff or gas prices creeping higher, a spiritual revelation or a sober assessment of what matters, I'm willing to bet that at some point in the last 12 months, you've decided to live differently. Maybe you read a Michael Pollan book or decided to take a look at your (plummeting) 401k. Perhaps you decided that stopping at Starbucks every morning really didn't do anything for you or there was no good reason you bought an entire CD each time you wanted to hear a certain song.

External forces (bosses, the stock market, the housing slump) joined up with internal forces (your emotions, a religious motivation, personal priorities) to bring you to a place where you decided you didn't need it any more. You didn't need 18 pairs of pants. There's no reason to pay for cable when you watch everything on Hulu. Who needs entire albums when there's Pandora?

What would happen if you sold all your books and had $300 in your pocket? How much could you save by lowering your thermostat? What if you rented your house? Sold your car and took the bus because 90% of where you need to drive is accesible by public transportation? Spent less on groceries by finding online coupons? Went for a walk instead of ran on a treadmill at a gym?

What if you rediscovered yourself by getting rid of everything you thought you needed to define you? What if you connected better face-to-face and signed off of Twitter for a week? Is this the year you decide you'd rather stay in close connection with a dozen friends instead of knowing only a sliver of the lives of 600? Maybe you'll leave your cell phone in your car at dinner next week and amaze yourself at how free you are to talk when you're not looking down every eight minutes to see if someone emailed you.

The very dirty trick is that gadgets, things, and the notion of ownership imply that they will let us be free - free to save time and do what we love. But in the end, nearly always, we find ourselves trapped by the things we buy, indebted to a life of jobs we hate and obligations we loathe in order to afford a life we think we want.

If you haven't been in a place like this, I don't know what external or internal factor will bring you there. I only know that when you face that opportunity, you'll live like you never have before.