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Sam Davidson's blog

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Stop Doing Math

I was watching a TV show last week and the couple was doing relationship math. You know the drill:

I took the trash out last week! I washed the car yesterday! Oh yeah? Well I took the kids to school three Tuesdays ago!

It can also be personal:

Stop leaving toenail clippings on the floor! I will when you learn to wash dishes! When will you clean the bathroom?!

And on it goes. This kind of relationship math, where one is always trying to equal one, is a waste of time. All it does is inflate tempers and leave both people trying to one-up the other. In the end, the only resolution is to agree that tasks and responsibilities in a house aren't  meant to be kept track of like a resume. This isn't a job. It's your life. There will be no second act, no promotion, no ladder to worry about climbing.

My advice? Stop doing the math. If you need help keeping something clean or on time or complete, then ask for it. Asking for help is way better than trying to prove to your husband or wife that you're a better parent or spouse.

You didn't get into this game because you like keeping score. You got into it because you wanted to live alongside someone, toenail clippings and all.

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