How I Vote
As I was driving home from my racquetball drubbing by The Shiverian this morning, I saw a crowd of folks at the corner of 8th And Jefferson holding up candidate signs, hoping to get people to honk and maybe even vote for their guy.
As I was getting ready, I heard yet another political commercial.
As I left the house to head to the office, I saw a lot of yard signs and bumper stickers.
What a waste.
None of that will make me vote for you. I understand that there are a lot of age-old tactics that candidates are quick to use (mailers, phone calls, attack ads), and perhaps they need to be used in order to get a name out there so it's in people's heads. But none of that 'wins' votes. At least not for me. I don't drive around and think, "That's a fine looking yard sign. I want that guy allocating my taxes and confirming judges." Or, "Wow. Someone cared enough to put a permanent bumper sticker on their minivan. Perhaps that's the candidate who will filibuster the best or pass excellent legislation."
Let me tell you what does determine my vote: wardrobe.
Because I don't get more than the basic $10-a-month cable, I tend to watch C-SPAN when nothing else is on. And if I have to look on there one more time and see some poorly dressed fool, with a fat neck hanging over a collar that is crying for mercy and gasping for air, I'm going to throw my remote through my TV and hope it lands on the Senate floor.
I like Ford's casual blazer with no tie. That's just the thing I would wear to the Playboy Mansion or to do business with some crooks. I'm not much a fan of Corker's Sunday church suits. Too boring. No wonder he couldn't answer those 911 calls. He was too busy buying his clothes at TJ Maxx. (You gotta get there right when the truck unloads or else those deals are gone!)
So, instead of debates, I propose fashion shows. And instead of diving into a candidate's past, let me look at their closet. If you're representing me, our country, and the founding fathers, you have to look good.